Roll out the red carpet

I’ve been getting ready all day for the Oscars, though shoveling in a gown is cumbersome.

I’ve seen nine of the 10 films nominated this year (I can’t watch a guy cut off his arm), so I’ve got lots of opinions. Like isn’t having 10 films like inviting five people to a party you don’t like? Anyway, no one’s asking me, so I will express my opinions to my TV later like a crazy woman watching her soaps.

Things I’m looking forward to: Jesse Eisenberg’s awkwardness (real or fake?), an always humble and entertaining acceptance speech by Colin Firth (see his colonoscopy-inspired BAFTA speech), Helena Bonham Carter’s wacky ensemble (will she arrive in an egg?), and Natalie Portman birthing a black swan.

I’ve decided the Social Network vs. The King’s Speech dilemma should be solved by awarding the best picture Oscar to The King’s Speech and the best director Oscar to David Fincher. It’ll never happen, but it should.



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