On the loose

Since I moved to my own place, I get a number of calls from security companies that must think I am one scared single woman. The conversations usually go something like this:

Telemarketer: Hello! This is not a sales call. I’m pleased to inform you that you’ve been selected for a free home security system. When might be a good time to have our technician come by and install it?

Me: Wow! I won? Wow! So, there’s no monthly fee?

Telemarketer: You get the deluxe system for free, but if you decide to keep it, there is a minimal monthly membership fee.

Me: So this is a sales call?

Telemarketer: Er. Uh, could I send an installation technician out to your new home next week?

Me: No, no you can’t. I don’t want a security system.

Telemarketer: You’re aware that there is a break-in every minute in the United States?

Me: Is this the scare tactics part of your non-sales call?

Then yesterday I came home to a recorded message from the police department on my answering machine informing me that a handcuffed prisoner had escaped from the courthouse that day (just a few blocks away) and to be aware (read: afraid). The next message from the police department, an hour later, informed me that “the escaped convict is now in custody. I repeat: the escaped convict is now in custody.”

Apparently instead of break-ins, I should be worried about escaped prisoners running around town eluding police and helicopters. I expect to get a call later from a smug telemarketer.


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